There’s Nothing Stronger Than a Gentle Answer

by A.C. Williams

A gentle answer deflects anger,  but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1 NLT

I got mad last week. Without getting into the gory details, a friend of mine asked for guidance in how to deal with a Christian in her life who was acting decidedly unchristian-like. This person’s actions were hurtful and selfish and just wrong, and my friend was paying the price for it.

She needed help, and so my friend asked me how to respond.

And, oh boy, did I have a response. I knew exactly what I would have said in her situation, and I sat down to tell her exactly how to respond. But before I got very far, I felt that little nudge at the back of my mind urging me to do my morning quiet time first. After all, what if God had something I needed to remember before I offered wisdom to my friend?

Yes, I’m sure you can guess what happened. I sat down to do my pre-assigned morning Bible reading and went directly to Proverbs 15:1 and its wisdom about gentle answers.

I felt about an inch tall. My righteous anger cooled almost instantly. Yes, my friend was in the right, and her Christian authority was in the wrong. But my recommended response was going to make it worse. Getting angry in an already-heated situation doesn’t calm tempers; it makes them burn hotter (Proverbs 29:22).

So much for my wisdom. Instead, I advised her to respond with God’s wisdom (James 3:17). Humility. Gentleness. Kindness. Not pointing fingers. Not holding past harms against each other. And a willingness to bear the burdens and shortcomings of those around us for Christ’s sake.

Is it a flashy response? Does it feel empowering? Is it emotionally satisfying? No. It’s not any of those things, but it is a godly response.

Jesus always responded to ill treatment with humility and kindness. Rarely did He ever give voice to His frustrations, although in each of those times it was with His followers (Matthew 17:17) or the religious elite (Matthew 23:33).

Now, don’t misunderstand and start thinking that the only godly response in a given situation is to allow yourself to be treated like a doormat. No, that’s not the case at all, but how many of our daily conflicts truly need major confrontations? How many harmful, divisive conflicts could we stop with a gentle answer instead of an emotionally satisfying one?

It’s not that we shouldn’t call out sin when we see it in another Christian, but if you take pleasure in the humiliation of another Christian for whatever reason, that does not glorify God, either.

Following Jesus is so much more than just reading His Word; it’s doing His Word (James 1:22). It listening for His Voice and choosing to obey, choosing to do things God’s way rather than the way that makes sense to us (Isaiah 55:8-9).

I’ve known that God values gentle answers for most of my life, yet I willfully abandon that truth when I lose my temper, because gentle answers don’t feel strong enough. But let me encourage you: there is nothing stronger than a gentle answer, because that’s where God’s strength shines.

You don’t have to accept mistreatment, but when someone pushes you, don’t push back. That’s not the way to win. Listen for God’s voice and do what He says. You don’t have to be the strong one when the King of the Universe has your back.

This article is brought to you by the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association (AWSA).

About the author: A.C. Williams is a coffee-drinking, sushi-eating, story-telling nerd who loves cats, country living, and all things Japanese. She’d rather be barefoot, and if she isn’t, her socks won’t match. An AWSA Golden Scrolls finalist and an editor at Uncommon Universes Press, she believes that God works miracles through stories. Learn more about her coaching services at www.amycwilliams.com and subscribe to her daily devotional emails at www.alwayspeachy.com. Amy is offering a special: the first seven days free, then $5/month. https://acwilliams.substack.com/arisedaily

Join the conversation: Have you ever given a soft answer in a volatile situation? How did that work out?