by Kathy Collard Miller
I was the teacher’s pet in my third-grade class.
Everyone knew, especially my fellow students, that Mrs. Leighton favored me. As a child, having the feeling of her favor was like water for my thirsty soul.
For some reason, that teacher had chosen me as important and worthy of her special approval. Back then, I assumed she favored me because I was a smart, obedient student. In fact, for every report card in all my elementary years, each teacher wrote, “Kathy is a very dependable and conscientious student.” I loved that affirmation.
On one particular day, I said something hurtful to someone in class (I don’t remember what), and several students heard me. One student called Mrs. Leighton over and told her what I’d said. The teacher looked at me with concern and shock and asked, “Kathy, did you say that?”
All eyes were on me. The students know the truth. I know the truth. The possibility of destroying what I thrived on—my teacher’s approval—made me feel like I was in a vise.
I chose to protect my needy soul. I lied. “No, Mrs. Leighton, I didn’t say that.” The teacher smiled her approval—she even looked triumphant—and turned away. And, in that moment, I knew I was a liar, and I felt ashamed.
As a third-grader, I didn’t understand grace. I believed my good performance earned that teacher’s pet status, therefore it was too risky to admit my wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness. Looking back now, I believe Mrs. Leighton would have responded, “Kathy, thank you for being honest. Please ask your friend for forgiveness, and all will be forgiven and forgotten.” But because I thought that my being a good student was the only reason Mrs. Leighton cared about me, I believed I was unable to be forgiven.
What a burden. What a cross to carry. And yet Jesus had already carried the cross and died on it for me. I learned this truth at age eighteen when I heard the Gospel clearly for the first time and did what I should have done in third grade. I confessed, “I’ve sinned, will you forgive me?”
I can’t know for sure what Mrs. Leighton would have said that day in the classroom. But I know for sure what Jesus said when I first asked him for salvation years ago and each time I confess a sin. He reminds me of the truth of Romans 5:7–9:
For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. (ESV)
This article is brought to you by the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association (AWSA).


About the author: In third grade, Kathy Collard Miller never could have comprehended the incredible journey of becoming a Christian and then serving God. As the award-winning and best-selling author of over 60 books, an international speaker, and as a lay counselor, Kathy has seen God’s grace in amazing ways. Her most recent book is Heart of Courage: Daughters of the King Bible Study Series, which is a women’s Bible study with ten lessons on different aspects of having God’s courage. Connect with Kathy at www.KathyCollardMiller.com and her Amazon author page.
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